Snoopster’s Blogs

I screw up…..A LOT!

So I just got the text from an ex-girlfriend who I unfortunately fucked up the relationship since she chose to attend school in Hawaii and not move to Iowa, and the text blew me away. I let go of the one of the most rewarding things I had met and learned about in my lifetime since my seperation with my now ex-wife. My ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant. No, it’s not my child as we haven’t seen each other for a year now. But I blew it all away. I fucked up….big time. I can’t do anything right. I can’t earn a girl’s trust, can’t do a job the right way with some asshole of a boss yelling at me like I’m a 12 year old, can’t get my finances straight, I have no money, working a minimum wage job, what else can go wrong? Why? Why does everything bad happen to me? I let go of someone that I did hope to one day spend the rest of my life with but no….I fucked that all up. She liked my kids like they were her own. She may have been taller than me but she was great.

All this time I have been lonely. I barely have any friends these days and I can’t ever go out because I literally have no money (Long story). I have always thought about her and wanting to earn a second chance but at this point, I don’t see that happening. Maybe she’s better off that we’re just friends. I don’t know. I’m not her so I don’t know how she really feels. But I’m tired of being lonely.

Going on the websites like PlentyOfFish.com and Yahoo! Personals just isn’t helping any. There’s really no one of the type that interests me. I let a woman pay her own way to Iowa last year just to stay and visit for a week and a half. Enjoy a nice dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Enjoyed time on the couch snuggling with each other. She even liked to cook which I will admit I miss a lot. I really don’t even cook here at the house but where’s the sense of change these days for me? I think that really no one wants to date a divorced father of 2 boys knowing that he really isn’t going anywhere in life. That may be the case. I’m 25 years old and my criminal justice options are looking more slim by the minute.

All I’m going to say to finish out this blog is that I miss her and it’s my loss that I let her go. I miss waking up next to her and having breakfast ready for me when I get out of the shower. A luxury I never had before. Best of luck to her.

Until next time bloggers….I’ll be working my dead end job to nowhere.

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1 Month Left

I’m down to my last 30 days here in this dump of an apartment. Screw paying $600/mo for rent when it’s not worth it to resign another year lease. I’m tired of my kitchen sink getting backed up from idiot neighbors and I think it’s just time to pack up and move. It’s been a mediocre 3 years but I can’t call this home anymore. With all the debt I have ontop of the child support I pay, it’s too hard for me to make it on my own. I can’t even get x-mas gifts for my family. Especially my own children. But now I’ll be moving to a place where I’ll be cramped but on the lighter note, I’ll be saving money and can get my debt down substantially. It’ll be nice to be close to family but I’ll be dreading my brother in law. He’ll be picking on me way too much.

I’m thinking about leaving Blockbuster. The gig was alright but I really don’t like having to sell Rewards and such. So I’m most likely going to give a 2 week notice very soon. Plus it will give me more time to work on getting things moved throughout the month that way by the end of the month, only the big things are left to move and I can clean the apartment. Even though I can guarantee I won’t be getting my deposit back.

Dylan is now 99% potty trained which is a relief. I hate having to wash a soiled underwear or having to wash the feces out of it. 1 kid down and 1 to go.

As far as my relationship life, still haven’t found someone to spend time with. There’s a couple but they’re either already taken or they say they’re not ready for a relationship, but then 2 days later they are dating someone. What is wrong with me? I am a gentleman and I know how to please someone that would be willing to take the risk. I’m not saying I want to jump to a quickie and then ask for her hand in marriage, but just to allow the relationship of us walk its path for us. Take the time to reflect on how 2 people that can have some similarities and be just right. There will be the occasional fight/argument here and there but that is typical. But the last thing I want is to be with someone only for them to turn around and cheat on me again. Then say that I pushed them away. I’m a grown ass man and I grew up quick. We all have expectations but I will not be someone’s Sugar Daddy. Find some pimp on 6th Ave for that.

I’ve ranted for a short bit and have some final GH 5 to finish off before I head to work. I really don’t want to but I don’t have a choice.

Until next time bloggers.

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RUN!

This will be short and sweet. It’s the final countdown til my friend, The Lunchbox, gets hitched. I’m trying to warn him to RUN!!!! Not because of my failed marriage but there’s so much more to do when you’re single. Ok, maybe not. It eventually gets old because you’ve done it once and may not have the desire to do it again alone. The bride, Darbs, is a good pick. She’s a smart one and them 2 work well as a couple. Lunchbox has made a great pick being in the med field up here in Iowa City. I’m Snoopster and I approve this marriage.

Until next time bloggers.

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“Where the hell are the singing cats?” – David Letterman

I couldn’t come up with a better title than that. Honestly, it just popped into my head. Lately, I’ve sort of not been myself. Not saying that I have fucked something up and am hiding it. I guess it’s all because I’ve been under A LOT of stress these days. My divorce was finalized on July 6th which was a great relief off of my shoulders. The only shitty outcome is the child support. Pretty much getting raped by that. So the money I pay is what I USE to pay my utilities and such but that’s now out of the question. Now I’m to the point where I can’t pay my rent for my apartment at the top of the month b/c the child support money is gone. So I’m stuck paying the late fee with my rent with my middle month check. Leaving me with barely enough to pay my babysitter and gas in my car. I’ve begun the search to find a roommate or find a place I can move to that’s looking for a roommate. It’s hard to find a place that’s willing to put up with my kids on the weekends but I haven’t had much luck. If push comes to shove, at least my sister and bro-in-law have offered their home to stay so at least I have a roof over my head. Though as I think about it, I think my bro-in-law would like that since I get food assistance money and I can buy him a lot of steaks. Maybe I can pay off that car battery they bought for my car with the steaks. And a 24 pack of beer. Can’t forget the beer. But it will be cramped in the house but at least I would be able to really catch up on my bills and really get back on track. It may be what I will do but I’ll probably have a better idea by the end of this month.

I haven’t done any dating since Jerika. I miss her sometimes. She actually just started texting me tonight for a change. She hasn’t really spoken to me since we broke up few months back while she was gearing up to move to Hawaii for college. But I’ve been so busy with both my jobs and the fact having no money doesn’t help the situation. I’m lonely and don’t have many friends that give a damn. But maybe it’s better that I stay single for the remainder of my life. Granted I have 2 boys to raise jointly until the ex-wife fucks up. I’m not writing this for people to read and feel sorry for me. I’m just an emotional rollercoaster that has no brakes to save himself. I need a vacation from life. A vacation from reality. Overall, a vacation from myself. I don’t know…only time will tell.

Until next time bloggers.

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What Would You Do?

So yesterday, the separated wife decided to cut off my phone.  So I have no communication to the outside world consisting of texts and important calls.  So what if one or both of my kids injure themselves and we need to go to the ER for treatment.  How am I suppose to call and advise family on the way there?  Or what if I’m late for work or even sick, how am I suppose to call and let them know?  The separated wife and I made a verbal contract agreement that I would pay 1/3 of the cell bill each month and that I would have a new phone/new plan by end of January of 2009.  Well she has broken the agreement and I’m no longer giving her any money.  I’m not paying her the $41 I owed for the remainder of this month’s bill and I plan on giving my phone back to her and she can do what she wants with the 3rd line.  I’ll get a new phone and new number so she can deal with the $200 termination fee.  Not my problem anymore.  It’s all in the principle of the issue.  You can’t just cut someone off just because they piss you off.  She pissed me off because she made an excuse when I picked the boys up Sunday night.  Said “she was in a rush” and forgot my laptop power cord and Dylan’s Claritin.  A crock of crap.  I even sent her a text that morning on my way to work to remind her.  These things are essential.  If I forgot items I needed to bring and I was going to a family gathering in town, it would not hurt to make a quick trip back after the drop off to grab the items so they are ready when the kids are picked up.  So if she wants to sue me, then be it.  She’ll lose.  After watching enough Judge Greg Mathis and Judge Judy you can tell who’s favor it will go in on verbal contract agreements.  It’s like if it were on paper but it’s a civil verbal agreement between 2 parties.  The separated wife thinks she knows everything.  She’s not as smart as I am.  And the other thing that irked me, when I went to pick them up and I was getting Dylan in the car, he said he wanted to watch Batman.  Knowing the Dark Knight just released, I asked separated wife what they were watching and she said “Pooh.”  ”Then why is he saying Batman?”  ”Cuz they’re watching Dark Knight in there.”  No excuse.  The movie is rated R based on the action, violence and language and that’s a movie they should not see at the age of 3 & 4.  I understand they were in her care at the time but that shows no respect giving the fact she doesn’t want the boys swearing which the movie does contain some of that content.  Hmm….just went against her own rule.  Fuckin’ idiot!  I watch what the boys watch so I know what is appropriate for them while under my care.  I wonder if I would be able to build a stronger case about that in divorce court?  Why is it that I am the better parent figure here?  Maybe it’s because I actually grew up.  Something that she’ll never do.  Anyhow, I’ll cut it off here for now while I get some things done around the house today.

Until next time bloggers.

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