I screw up…..A LOT!
May 6th, 2010So I just got the text from an ex-girlfriend who I unfortunately fucked up the relationship since she chose to attend school in Hawaii and not move to Iowa, and the text blew me away. I let go of the one of the most rewarding things I had met and learned about in my lifetime since my seperation with my now ex-wife. My ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant. No, it’s not my child as we haven’t seen each other for a year now. But I blew it all away. I fucked up….big time. I can’t do anything right. I can’t earn a girl’s trust, can’t do a job the right way with some asshole of a boss yelling at me like I’m a 12 year old, can’t get my finances straight, I have no money, working a minimum wage job, what else can go wrong? Why? Why does everything bad happen to me? I let go of someone that I did hope to one day spend the rest of my life with but no….I fucked that all up. She liked my kids like they were her own. She may have been taller than me but she was great.
All this time I have been lonely. I barely have any friends these days and I can’t ever go out because I literally have no money (Long story). I have always thought about her and wanting to earn a second chance but at this point, I don’t see that happening. Maybe she’s better off that we’re just friends. I don’t know. I’m not her so I don’t know how she really feels. But I’m tired of being lonely.
Going on the websites like PlentyOfFish.com and Yahoo! Personals just isn’t helping any. There’s really no one of the type that interests me. I let a woman pay her own way to Iowa last year just to stay and visit for a week and a half. Enjoy a nice dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Enjoyed time on the couch snuggling with each other. She even liked to cook which I will admit I miss a lot. I really don’t even cook here at the house but where’s the sense of change these days for me? I think that really no one wants to date a divorced father of 2 boys knowing that he really isn’t going anywhere in life. That may be the case. I’m 25 years old and my criminal justice options are looking more slim by the minute.
All I’m going to say to finish out this blog is that I miss her and it’s my loss that I let her go. I miss waking up next to her and having breakfast ready for me when I get out of the shower. A luxury I never had before. Best of luck to her.
Until next time bloggers….I’ll be working my dead end job to nowhere.